


Clark Kent And Bruce Wayne Are Idiots (so are Batman and Superman)

by Sunflower4524



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Extended Universe, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Batman hasn't warmed up to Superman but Bruce LOVES Clark, Bruce doesn't know Clark is Clark Kent, Bruce is a flirty doof, Calendar Man appears!, Clark doesn't know Bruce is Bruce Wayne, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Multi, There's some angst in a future chapter, They're stupid and in love and Clark is a himbo, they're both dumbasses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunflower4524/pseuds/Sunflower4524
Summary: Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne were college friends, only to split apart when they leave college.They meet again years later at a party and they reconnect!One problem: Clark doesn't know he's Bruce Wayne, and Bruce doesn't know he's Clark Kent.Oh, and Batman is giving the cold shoulder to Superman.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 11
Kudos: 71





	1. My New Roommate Doesn't Want Me (But That Won't Stop Me Because I Can't Read)

“Yes, Ma, I got here okay- Ma- Ma, I’m fine! I’m standing outside the dorms right now. Yes, I love you too. Okay, thanks Ma.” The man hung up, slipping his phone into his pocket while trying to keep a hold on his box.

Clark Kent was a mild mannered country boy from Kansas. He had brown hair, glasses, and he was absolutely covered in freckles.

He was also an alien.

An alien that was on his first day at college with a mother who constantly called him asking if he got to school okay.

Taking one more glance down at his schedule he took a deep breath and walked in.

Another man about his age was sitting in a desk pushed to the left side of the room, “Hello.”

Clark blinked, “Oh! Hi! Um, I’m Clark-” He shifted the box around to reach out his hand, “I’m new-”

The man looked between Clark’s outstretched hand and back to Clark’s face, “Bruce.”

Clark awkwardly coughed, pulling his hand back, “Um, where should I-?” He looked around the room.

Bruce sighed and turned back to face the desk, “Anywhere. I’m moving later today anyways.”

“Moving? But-”

“No matter what Alfred tries to say, I refuse to share a room with someone as if I’m some 5 year old that can’t be left alone.”

Clark shifted his stance, he wasn’t sure who or what Alfred was, but he sounded adamant, “Oh. Well. Uh. Do you need any help? I used to live on a farm, I can help you carry some stuff-”

Bruce whipped back around, “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help. What I need is for you and everyone else to leave me alone.”

He blinked, “Right. Well. Holler if you need anything!” He smiled and turned to the empty bed and began unpacking his boxes.

Bruce rolled his eyes, lifting his books off of the desk and placing them in the box next to him before promptly dumping the contents of the desk into one singular box. He glanced over at Clark’s humming before he huffed and walked out with the last box in his arms.

As fate would have it, the room Bruce was placed in was directly across Clark’s room.

A few months of the school year went by with Clark and Bruce rarely interacting, sure, they were in a few classes together, but Bruce made it clear he would not be ‘chatting’ with anyone in those classes. Besides, the two ran in separate social circles.

Until the week of Clark and Bruce’s first big test of the year.

Bruce wasn’t worried, he studied and was content with the assumption he would get an A.

Clark, however, was very worried.

Bruce was pulled out of his reading by a frantic knocking on his door, he groaned, set down his book, and opened the door.

“Bruce! Thank god you’re still up!”

“Clark. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you at my door at-” He leaned back to look at his clock, “1 AM?”

“You remember Mr. Smith’s econ class?”

“Yes. And?”

“So, y’know the test?”

“I know we have a test tomorrow, yes.”

“Good! Good…” He trailed off, looking off at something past Bruce, or maybe he was just staring at Bruce?

“Clark. Why are you here?”

“Oh! Um. I’m worried. About the test, I mean! Uh, well, I know you do pretty good on the homework and stuff and I was wondering- I mean you don’t have to-”

“Are you asking me to tutor you?” Bruce looked taken aback, he’d made a clear point of making sure no one would talk to him for the next few years and yet...here was Clark.

“Well...I was hoping more for a uh, a study session?” Clark smiled sheepishly.

“A study session?”

“Ah, yeah, I know, it’s stupid- I’ll just go back to my-”

Bruce grinned, rolling his eyes, “Get your ass in here, Farmboy.”

Over the course of three hours Bruce helped Clark get to a point where he felt comfortable about the test, whether that was because of the notes Bruce helped him with, or because of Bruce assuring him he’d do alright, only Clark would know.

When the grades were finally released, Bruce slowly gravitated over to Clark. Perhaps it was involuntary--at least that’s what Bruce would claim afterwards.

“How did you do?”

Clark pushed up his glasses and grinned at Bruce, “A B!”

“Oh?”

“And it’s all because of you! Without you- Man I’d probably be failing this class!” He laughed, and for a split second Bruce swore Clark could make everyone around him happier by just smiling.

Bruce choked that feeling down, “Please. Clark, you’re not an idiot.”

Before Clark could fully process that comment, Bruce had already walked away.

As a result, Clark would routinely go over to Bruce’s dorm to study the night before a big test, Bruce always complained about it, but secretly...secretly he enjoyed having Clark over.

Clark was a breath of fresh air, he didn’t care about Bruce being the heir to a billion dollar company, or that Bruce’s parents were murdered-in fact he didn't even seem to know.

He just wanted to hang out with his friend, Bruce.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Clark, please, we’ve gone over this six times-” Bruce had his head in his hands, hunched in his chair across from Clark.

“I’m just saying you’re a crazy person!”

“Clark! You’re going to look me in the goddamned eye and tell me that Back to the Future makes sense?!”

“It’s a cinematic MASTERPIECE, Bruce!”

“Then explain why his parents didn’t RECOGNIZE HIM as the guy that got them together?! You don’t think his dad wouldn’t have been a LITTLE suspicious that Marty looked like Calvin from highschool?!”

“They only knew him for a FEW DAYS, BRUCE.”

“HE GOT THEM TOGETHER, CLARK.”

Clark and Bruce had gotten off topic, textbooks long forgotten as they sat across from each other in Bruce’s dorm room.

They were, as Clark’s mother liked to put it, two peas in a pod.

By now, they studied less and talked more. Although their grades didn’t show it.

Two years in, Bruce had finished his needed degree and was able to move back to Gotham.

“Well now how am I going to pass without my lucky charm?” Clark joked as Bruce taped up the last box.

“You’ll figure it out, you always do.”

Clark snorted, “I thought that was your job.”

He rolled his eyes, “This is why I’m leaving.”

He was then shoved by Clark, “So, Gotham?”

“Yep, born and raised there. Have to go back some day.”

“And what? You’re gonna work at some big company?” He smiled, “Gonna be an intern?”

Bruce smiled, “No, no. I mean, can you imagine me fetching coffee for some stuck up idiots? Please.”

“So what? Gonna make some big business?”

“Ha, no. I’m gonna run the old family business. Do a bit of everything.”

Clark nodded, lifting a box and helping Bruce pile them into a car outside.

Bruce and Clark never exchanged numbers. They never gave each other their addresses, and they certainly never found a way to keep in touch after that day.


	2. Clark Kent, Daily Planet Reporter (And Local Idiot)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Wayne is a known playboy, hosting parties and events all the time.  
> Clark Kent is a reporter in Metropolis, and he strongly dislikes Bruce Wayne.
> 
> Clark is given a new topic to report on!
> 
> Sure hope it isn't about the guy he doesn't like.

Clark Kent was a journalist living in Metropolis and working for the Daily Planet. He had brown hair, glasses, and he was absolutely covered in freckles.

He was also an alien superhero....secretly. A secret alien superhero that was currently bored. “Clark!” Lois Lane, one of Clark’s best friends, came quickly over to his desk, “You hear about Bruce Wayne?”

Clark rolled his eyes, “What did Gotham’s pretty boy do this time?”

“He’s hosting a party.”

He gasped, “A party? Why Lois! Stop the presses!”

Lois playfully hit him in the arm, “Boss wants you to go to it.”

“What?” Clark rubbed his arm, it was all for Lois’s benefit, however, he was the man of steel, “Why me?”

She shrugged, leaning on Clark’s desk, “Dunno. Maybe he thinks you deserve an actual story?”

“Hey I’ve worked on actual stories!”

“Not like this, Kent. Nothing like this.”

He hummed, “And what exactly am I supposed to be reporting on?”

She grinned, dropping a file in front of him, “Wayne Enterprises has been working on some big projects. You’re gonna get an interview out of Bruce Wayne.”

“Him? We both know Bruce Wayne doesn’t just take interviews.”

“Hence the party.”

“The party?”

“You’re going to ask him questions there. I don’t know, Kent, stop him at the bar or something. Chances are he won’t even notice you’re a reporter.”

Clark snorted, “Yeah, right, like a millionaire playboy would notice me,” He leaned back in his chair, glancing at his computer screen for a second, “Fine. When is it?” He leaned over to grab his cup of coffee.

“Tomorrow night.”

If it wasn’t for Clark being a superpowered alien, he probably would have dropped his cup, “Lois! How am I supposed to make questions for Bruce Wayne about a topic I know nothing about if I don’t have-”

Lois tossed a notebook onto his lap, “Done.”

Clark looked at her over his glasses, “Was this just a story you were going to write but dropped it so you could attempt to set me up with a millionaire again?”

Lois Lane, expert reporter and horrible liar (which Clark says is because she has a bad poker face but in reality he has a literal built in lie detector--alien powers: 1, humans: 0) proceeded to roll her eyes and tell him, “It’d be a better story for you anyways. You need to do something other than Batman stories.”

“What’s wrong with Batman stories?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged, “If you’re into a guy that lives in a cave and spends most of his days beating up a dude dressed as a clown.”

“That’s not all he does!”

“Clark. You need a real story for once. Something people are interested in.”

Clark huffed, looking through the notebook Lois gave him, “A real story-” He mumbled under his breath mockingly.

“What was that?”

“I said I’ll do it. Give me the dumb invitation and I’ll write the stupid thing.”

“Yes! Oh, Clark, you’re gonna love it. I hear Bruce Wayne really has a way with words,” She winked, “If you catch my drift.”

“I’m not going to fall in love with Bruce Wayne of all people, Lois.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Bruce Wayne was an eccentric millionaire well known for being a flirt.

He was also a superhero, though if you asked him he’d say he was a “masked vigilante”, but we all know you’re just a superhero, Bruce.

He was currently pulling shards of glass out of his arm.

Alfred walked into the room.

“Don’t start.”

“Sir?”

“You’re going to tell me I should stop getting thrown out windows.”

“If you know the advice sir, why do you keep doing it?”

Bruce shook his head, grabbing the tweezers to pull out another shard.

Alfred continued walking into the room, “Your suit came back from the tailors, shall I place it in your room or will you be preoccupied for this particular event?”

“No no, I’ll be there for this one, don’t need people thinking Bruce Wayne is avoiding the public.” He hissed as he pulled the final shard out, “Y’know?”

“Of course, sir.”

He finished wrapping the wounds and stood, “Has everyone RSVP’d?”

“Yes, sir. Although there is one confirmation from The Daily Planet that doesn’t have a name on it.”

Bruce pulled a shirt on, “Oh? A reporter? Oh well, adds a level of mystery to it.”

“And here I thought you’d like less of those.”

He laughed, before wincing and holding his side.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Clark!” Lois burst into Clark’s apartment.

“In here!”

Lois walked over to the bedroom, “Oh please don’t tell me you’re going to wear that.”

Clark turned around, he was wearing blue jeans, a white shirt, and a red flannel, “What? I was thinking of tucking it in but-”

Lois waved him off, walking over to his closet and swinging it open, “Jesus Christ, Clark.”

“What?”

“Do you own anything that isn’t plaid or a flannel?”

He blinked, “What’s wrong with flannel?”

She sighed, moving clothes around, “Ah!” She pulled out a suit jacket, “Where are the pants?”

Clark looked around, “Uh. I don’t think I have any. Just-”

“Blue jeans, right. Alright. Okay. I can work with this. Take that off,” She pulled out a brown plaid button up, “Put this on,” She opened up a few drawers, pulling out a black tie, “And this!”

“But Lois-”

“Clark.” She gave him a stern look that reminded Clark of his mother.

“Nevermind.”

When Clark finished, Lois pulled the suit jacket on him, “There we go! Now you look less like a confused farm boy.”

“But-”

“Shush. You’re a reporter.” She straightened his tie, “You’ve got everything?”

He patted his pant pockets, “Keys, invitation, notebook, pen- Yep.”

“Good! Don’t fuck this up, I don’t know if I could set you up with Bruce Wayne again.”

“I’m not going to mess up. And I’m not going to fall in love with Bruce Wayne.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter this time! Hope you guys like it! 
> 
> I've got a whole document typed up with all of this on it, so I'll try to make quicker updates from now on!
> 
> Maybe once a week or so?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't actually consumed a lot of Batman and Superman stuff, so they're kind of my own interpretations! :D


End file.
